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SBL Annual Meeting Papers November 2005

WORKING DRAFT: Please do not cite without permission of the author

NOTE: This paper contains citations in Hebrew and Greek; because of limitations here, those sections are indicated here by (HEB) and (GK). The acrobat version contains the full texts.

Ronald R. Clark, Jr.
Cascade College, Portland, OR

Submit or Else!:
Intimate Partner Violence, Aggression, Batterers, and the Bible

Adobe Acrobat version

Batterer intervention is the process of confronting abusers who use power to coerce, control, and engender fear in their intimate partners. Faith communities and faith based counselors have been slow to confront and hold batterers accountable. This has enabled abusers, who are most commonly males, to use Biblical texts to support their issues of power and control. Victims of intimate partner violence have been told that these texts support their victimization. Do the Biblical texts actually support male dominance and aggression or are they simply tools in the "wrong hands?"

The Dilemma of Anger, Aggression, and Intimate Partner Violence

Families caught in domestic violence and faith communities addressing this issue face a dilemma while trying to address abuse. We do not understand the dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence and are not able to effectively confront abusers who have been taught to use texts to subordinate females and their families. The problem is further compounded when we associate IPV with anger, which is an emotion or response to anxiety, rather than power and control.

Intimate Partner Violence (hereafter referred to as IPV) continues to be a growing problem in the United States as well as other parts of the world.

  • In America two to four million women have indicated that their spouses or live-in partners physically abused them during the year.1
  • Twenty to twenty-five percent of all women reported that their partners abused them at least once.2 One out of four American women report having been raped and/or physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, live-in partner, or date at some time in their life.3
  • Twenty-five to forty percent of dating couples experience physical violence.4
  • Hospital emergency rooms indicate that twenty to thirty percent of women seeking treatment are victims of battering.5
  • Every day in America at least three women are murdered by their husband or intimate partner.6
  • Throughout the world, one in three women have confessed to having been beaten, coerced into sex, or experienced other forms of abuse.7
  • Domestic violence is estimated to be much higher within the United States military than within civilian families.8

Domestic violence is an ongoing problem in the United States and throughout the world. This problem not only affects the spouse who is targeted by the abuser, but it also affects the children in the home.

  • One-third of abused women indicate that they were abused the first time during pregnancy.9 Research suggests that this may contribute to low birth weight of infants and other negative effects for infants.10
  • In a study done by Boston Medical Center over one-third of children reported seeing violence by fathers against mothers when a parent reported that no violence occurred.11
  • Children brought up in abusive homes have a higher risk of being abused.12
  • It is estimated that 3-5 million children per year witness an assault on their mothers.13
  • "Around forty percent of abusive men extend their behavior pattern to other family members."14

The dynamics of abuse and IPV involve power and control rather than anger. IPV involves coercion, control, fear, terrorism, and intimidation.15 Unfortunately anger is commonly associated with abuse and therefore treatment for the abuser involves anger management or drug and alcohol counseling. This method of therapy suggests that the abuser should focus on controlling or managing his anger and supposes that this is the major cause of his abusive behavior.16

The harder we try to pin down one explanation, the more certain we are to fail. The reason, I will argue, is that anger is not a disease, with a single cause; it is a process, a transaction, a way of communicating. With the possible exception of anger caused by organic abnormalities, most angry episodes are social events: they assume meaning only in terms of the social contract between participants.17

The Power and Control Wheel, developed by the Duluth Intervention Project in Duluth, Minnesota (figure 1) illustrates how batterers use various tactics of power and control to subordinate others.

Power and Control Wheel

Figure 1: Abuse Power and Control Wheel
Copied with Permission, Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802

Batterers use various methods to control their partners and close friends/relatives. Anger is only one of many methods that an abuser uses to engender fear and coerce their partners into submission. They use intimidation, male privilege, coercion, emotional and psychological abuse, children, or minimize their abuse so that their partner may continue in an emotional bond or relationship with them. This causes the victims to develop traumatic bonding. Traumatic bonding is an emotional dependence that a victim has on their captor, or one who terrorizes them, which causes them to seek validation, support, love, and emotional strength from the abuser.

Those victimized by the abuser find themselves caught in a relationship that becomes cyclical. The abuser seems to control the cycle and victims become powerless in this swirl of emotion and violence (figure 2). The abuser expresses anxiety which causes the family to become tense and afraid. The abuser begins to act out in order to control the family and terrorize them. This is considered the violent storm phase of the cycle. After this the abuser expresses remorse and guilt for his actions. This calm after the storm phase may be short lived or extend over a period of months but continues when the abuser blames the victim or victims for the tension and storm. The cycle then begins again and many times escalates unless intervention occurs.

It seems absurd that a relationship that is supposed to be based on love can become violent and demeaning. The incredulity is stretched even further when the relationship does not dissolve but instead continues in a cycle of apparent forgiveness and sentimental love followed by increased violence.18

Cycle of Abuse

We tend to view abusers as angry people who are out of control.19 Yet, the goal of abusers is control.20 Abusers react to anxiety in a dysfunctional manner. They may use anger or other emotions to gain control of a situation or another person. Abusers can also use apologies, self pity, and sympathy to control a situation. Victims find themselves caught in a cycle that is reinforced by guilt, fear, intimidation, and unfortunately love.

One of the earliest lessons I learned from abused women is that to understand abuse you can't look just at the explosions, you have to examine with equal care the spaces between the explosions. The dynamics of these periods tell us as much about the abuse as the rages or the thrown objects, as the disgusting name-calling or the jealous accusations. The abuser's thinking and behavior during the calmer periods are what cause his big eruptions that wound or frighten.21

Since anger and aggression have been effective for abusers, in controlling others, they develop a worldview that supports intra-relational competition, hostility, control or domination of others, inequality, and negation or neglect.22 Abusers lack the desire or ability to encourage equality, partnership, mutuality, intimacy, and validation in their partners.

Batterers, Abuse, and the Biblical Texts

Batterers, who are involved or familiar with teachings from within the faith communities, have found weapons to control their partners in the Sacred Texts. While these texts in no way support abuse or power over intimate partners, they are used by batterers (and sometimes the community itself) to further subordinate women.

Malachi 2:14-16

In Mal. 2:16 Yahweh states, (HEB) "I hate divorce, says Yahweh the God of Israel."23 Many, especially clergy and abusers, have used this text to tell victims that God does not approve of divorce. Therefore, victims have no other option but to stay in the relationship and accept the abuse, and hope for change. The text seems to be difficult to reconcile if we take the view that God is opposed to any divorce. But is the text meant to enslave spouses in violent relationships?

In the book of Malachi, the nation of Judah had returned from Babylonian/Persian captivity (538/535 BC). As time passed, they began to return to the ways of their former generations by neglecting the sacrifices and practicing idolatry (Mal. 1:1-6). While Yahweh was the offended husband in Hosea, Yahweh became the offended wife in Mal. 2:11-16.24 Israel had married a foreigner and begun to practice injustice. The people of Israel again practiced the same behavior that caused the previous divorce. How was God to respond to this behavior?

Judah has acted treacherously (faithlessly (HEB)) and committed an abomination in Israel and Jerusalem. Judah has profaned what is holy to Yahweh and loved the daughter of a foreign God. (Mal. 2:11)

First, God did not discourage divorce against those who profaned the holy covenant. Yahweh practiced divorce in Israelite history (Is. 50:1; 54:6-7; Jer. 3:8). In Ezra 10:11, Ezra and the Jewish leaders encouraged the Jewish men, who were married to foreign women, to divorce their foreign wives. If Mal. 2:11 suggests that the Jewish men may have been married to foreign wives, then what are the implications of this text?25 In Mal. 2:16 God is displeased with divorce, but God was willing to practice it.

Second, the Malachi text may not be discussing literal marriages.26 The term "covenant" is used throughout Malachi to refer to the Jewish nation's relationship to Yahweh.

1:2 I have loved you

2:4 warning about breaking the covenant with Levi

2:5 covenant of life and peace, Levi respected me

2:8 you have turned from me

2:10 Why do you profane my covenant?

2:11 Judah has broken faith
married the daughter of a foreign god

2:12 The Lord will cut him (Judah) off

2:14 false tears, remember the wife of your youth (Yahweh)
broken faith with your wife (Yahweh)

2:10 One God made them both

2:16 I hate divorce so do not break faith

These texts indicate that the Jews were dishonoring their master, father, and wife.27 The wife of their youth was to be Yahweh. Judah had left Yahweh and cleaved to another woman or god (probably the goddess Asherah).28 Yahweh was challenging Judah in court, like an angry hurt wife, and warning Israel that they were about to be divorced, something God did not wish to do. The final statement was: "Guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith" (HEB) (Mal. 2:15b). This interpretation is more in line with God's view of divorce (an aggressive action to protect the sanctity of covenant), but it does not suggest that God will not allow divorce.

Another interesting point in this text is found in Mal. 2:16. "I hate divorce," (HEB) says Yahweh the God of Israel, "and [I hate] a man's clothing himself [or his wife] with violence," (HEB) says Yahweh Almighty, "so guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith." While God may not wish to divorce the people, God equally hates violent individuals. Malachi indicates that the Jews were showing partiality in the law (2:9), committing injustices (2:17), oppressing the poor (3:5), and practicing evil (3:15). Many abusive men have failed to read these sections of the text. They claim that God is angry with their wives for leaving, divorcing, and filing a restraining order, while few (if any) believe that God was angry with them for being violent and oppressive.

Mal. 2:16 does not suggest that God is angry with divorced people. The text is a warning to those who are unfaithful and violent in their relationships with Yahweh and other humans.

Matthew 19

Jesus also spoke on the issue of divorce. In Matt. 19 he said, "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." To some this seems to be the only reason Jesus gives for divorce. There are a few considerations on this point.

First, Jesus was speaking to Pharisees who were questioning him and trying to find a reason for divorce. This is evident in the collection of rabbinical writings and traditions circulating around the time of Christ.29 Jesus was not criticizing the Jews but the corrupt leadership that came from some of the Pharisees and leaders. The Jewish rabbis had developed a complex method of validating divorce that in many ways victimized the women. In Luke 16:15-18, Jesus accused them of trying to justify themselves and he used divorce as an example of this. Both texts suggest that Jewish men, especially Pharisees, sought reasons to divorce their wives and further victimize them. The Jewish practice of divorce had also become highly influenced by the Greco-Roman culture and its freedom for men to divorce and abandons their wives.30

Jesus' discussion about divorce and remarriage was not designed to be a discussion of all forms of divorce but a prohibition for men victimizing their wives, something that had become common practice in the first century. The Apostle Paul further discussed issues of Christian marriage in 1 Cor. 7. Paul suggested that marriage was important for men and women in order to share sexual intimacy and fulfill each other's sexual desires (1 Cor. 7:1-6). According to Paul, marriage was still a covenant that required both husband and wife to work together for love, security, and faithfulness.

Concerning the issue of mixed marriages, a Christian married to a non-Christian, the Christian was not to seek a divorce if the unbelieving spouse was willing to stay in the relationship.

To the rest,31 I say not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to live with him, do not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he is willing to live with her do not divorce you husband. (1 Cor. 7:12-13)

This became a problem because Roman society was quite different from the Jewish and Christian communities in regard to morals, marriages, and family. This was especially true concerning husbands and their treatment of wives and children.32 Roman men were sometimes encouraged to be promiscuous and harsh with their families.33 Roman wives had also been given many freedoms and could divorce their husbands and remarry.34 But the Christian also had the right to expect to be treated fairly and honorably even in a mixed marriage. Paul believed that the Christian spouse should still expect faithfulness, loyalty, and respect even from the non-Christian spouse. In 1 Cor. 7:12-14, Paul suggested that keeping the marriage together (meaning that both people agree to live with each other) brought a sense of holiness to the family. Paul was calling the mixed marriages legal and ritually pure according to Jewish standards.35

For the husband makes the unbelieving wife holy (GK) and the wife makes the unbelieving husband holy, otherwise your children would be unclean (GK) but now they are holy. (7:14)

Both Christian and non-Christian could work together to bring holiness, love, and purity to their families. The Christian was encouraged to communicate with their spouse to work out the relationship, which would be a great witness for Jesus.

This would not have been possible in every marriage. In mixed marriages where the unbelieving spouse was not willing to honor Jesus and live in a healthy covenant (as described in 1 Cor. 7:1-9), the Christian spouse was not bound to the marriage. Actually, Paul wrote:

But if the unbeliever wants to depart, let them depart (GK). The brother or sister is not bound in this for God has called us to peace. How do you know, wife, if you can save your husband and how do you know, husband, if you can save your wife? (7:15-16)

(GK- chorizestho) was a command to "let them go." Paul also mentioned that God had called them to peace. Paul's concern was for the Christian who would be subjected to sin through the other spouse. Christians are not expected to let their abusive spouses rule the home and bring violence to the children. The children need to be holy and live in a house of peace. The Christian has every right to demand and expect peace and respect in their home. The Christian has the right to confront an abusive spouse and say, "As long as we are married, this behavior will not continue."

Ephesians 5

God is a God who maintains relationships. I find that in domestic violence, the victim, usually the woman, is blamed for causing the marriage to fail. We generally attack the victim because we feel that the burden falls on her. This is a misunderstanding of covenant. The burden falls on the husband. One passage that illustrates this is Eph. 5:21-33, which is built around this fundamental principle.

Submit to one another out of fear/respect for Christ. (5:21)

Christian marriage involves shared power. Both partners respect and submit to one another because they have a deep love for each other. Paul wrote this verse before he gave instructions to the wife and the husband. Before reading the rest of the text, men must acknowledge that a marriage is mutual submission and each must work with their spouse for the health and development of their relationship and family.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Eph. 5:22-24)

This was not written for husbands; therefore, it should not be quoted by husbands toward their wives. It is likely that this is a short section because women in the first century were probably already submitting to their husbands. However, in light of evidence concerning Roman women, the plea only suggests that the wives continue to respect their husbands.36

This does not teach that women are doormats; it teaches that women can submit to a man who is godly and who submits to her (5:21). Additionally, the Spirit (1 Cor. 14:32) is submissive to the prophets. God's Spirit can be controlled and silenced by human beings. This does not indicate that the Spirit or God is less than human beings. Submission says nothing about status; it is only an act of giving, support, and encouragement. Women and men submit to each other (Eph. 5:21) in the ways God has shown them through love, peace, compassion, and joy.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (5:25-33)

This longer section was written to husbands. In domestic violence the problem is that husbands do not act like Jesus or God. A man, who hits, humiliates, rapes, or verbally abuses his wife is acting contrary to the God who created him. When talking with men, we use this passage of scripture and talk about their behavior compared to Jesus. In the early church, God/Jesus was the model for husbands and fathers. It should be the same today. Husbands should initiate love and practice compassion toward their wives. The should not use Biblical texts to subordinate their wives rather they should serve them. Since God initiates covenant and seeks to bless those in covenant, husbands must reflect this nature in their covenants, marriages, and relationships. The church needs to call these men to repentance and accountability. God does not maintain a relationship through force, coercion, or control but by love, persuasion, and forgiveness. Men must practice love, compassion, honor, and mercy in their relationships with others, especially their partners (Exod. 34:6-8).

Maintaining a relationship means that men and husbands should act righteously. To oppress the poor and weak is a sign of unrighteousness. Marriage is about empowerment rather than power and control. In 1 Peter 3:7 Peter wrote that husbands who are not considerate with their wives will not have their prayers heard. Marriage should help both partners become better and feel better about themselves.

If mutuality is one of the aims of love between adults, then people need to ask themselves how their own acts of self-sacrificing love either further mutuality or reinforce roles and structures of domination and subordination.37

Victims, Abuse, and the Biblical Texts

The dilemma for victims in faith communities is further magnified when their communities contribute to the problem by enabling abusers to continue to subordinate their partners through the Sacred Texts. Women, who are victims, struggle with theological roadblocks that tend to support their submission to abusers and further victimize them and their families.38 One roadblock involves marriage and divorce issues. The Biblical texts that suggest that adultery is the cause for divorce (Matt. 5:31-32; 19:8-9; Mark 10:5-12), Christians are commanded not to divorce (1 Cor. 7:10-11), God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16); and that wives must submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-7) are not only used by the abuser to subordinate his partner; they are used by faith communities to encourage women to change their abusive husbands by submission and staying in the marriage.39

Another theological roadblock involves children and parenting. The negative statistics on single parent homes, the current emphasis on the traumatic nature of divorce on children, and the fear of raising children alone create an environment where the woman feels compelled, for the sake of the children, to keep the marriage together.40 While Biblical texts such as 1 Cor. 7:12-16 and Matt. 18:5-6 encourage spiritual adults to do what is best for children, the fear of divorce continues to encourage the traumatic bond with abusers. The abuser also continues to manipulate the children during visitation, while he is separated from his partner, which terrorizes and manipulates the children.41

Finally, the over-emphasis on the crucifixion of the Christ, by faith communities, continues to promote a sense of victimization within the church as well as among victims. The continual display of trauma, abuse, and suffering of Jesus becomes a stumbling block to those traumatized by abusers who seek safety, justice, and healing in their faith communities by leaving their abuser. Rather than the faith community emphasizing the justice and hope found in the resurrection of the Christ (Rom. 14:17), they call the victim to consign herself to carrying the burden and suffering in the family with hope that this will bring mutuality and equality in her relationship (Luke 9:23-27).

Confronting the Issues of IPV

Abusive men (also known as batterers) have developed a personality that further contributes to their abusive tendencies and their view of themselves. Characteristics of abusers involve narcissism, low self-esteem, emotional immaturity, compulsive tendencies, and emotional distance from both females and males.42 They tend to believe that relationships are a competition and increase emotional distance from other men. They lack any male accountability and search out those who can be controlled. These men not only control their partners, they control how others see them.

Many abusers have been given a negative view of females due to their environment and childhood issues. Below is what we call a Manhood box (figure 4).

Feminine ____________________ Masculine ____________________ Feminine

Manhood Box

 

Figure 4: A Real Man Is…

The characteristics listed above involve the current societal view of manhood. In figure 4 those terms opposite of what constitutes a real man are terms used to describe women or homosexuals. Female and homosexual terms are used on young boys/men who display behavior that is not "manly" or opposite the nature of a "real man." Therefore, young men grow up seeing women as opposite or exhibiting behavior that is unacceptable for a man to display. In other words, men are raised to hate, fear, and disrespect women and others who exhibit non-manly behavior.

Abusers are men who have deep insecurities not because they hate women, but because they have not been taught (by family, culture, or society) to be in touch with their true feelings. Those behaviors within them that they have been taught are feminine are suppressed or hated. In some faith communities, men have not been given permission to feel the vast array of emotions placed within them by God and modeled by both Yahweh, Allah, and (in the Christian community) Jesus Christ. These men, instead of seeking to become intimate and emotionally close with women, tend to compete, dominate, and/or distance themselves from those who hold qualities they have been taught are inferior. Some of the men's movements in Evangelical Christianity have been motivated by a fear of feminism and the "feminized man."43

Anger is also the major emotion that young men are taught is socially acceptable. Anger is simply a response to anxiety but is seen, in the culture of the Real Man, to be acceptable for men and boys to practice. This stereotype is prevalent in media, music, and many cultures.44 Abusive men use anger as a tool because it has become effective in manipulating others, controlling their partners, and continuing to mask their true feelings and lack of self esteem. In confronting abusers issues of power and control, self-esteem, and views concerning women need to be addressed both Biblically and sociologically.

A New Paradigm

Biblical studies can have a tremendous effect on the prevention of abuse, power and control, and IPV. The issues that abusers face are prevalent in all forms of relationships, leadership, and cultures. Power and control lie at the core of many dysfunctional relationships and needs to be addressed in all human beings. In the faith community a new paradigm, one of mutuality, peace, and compassion can be presented to families caught in abuse.

First, power and control must be transformed to empowerment. In my work with Community Against Domestic Violence, a non- profit organization committed to creating awareness in the Portland, Oregon community; we have begun to train faith community leaders to address power and control issues in sermons, lectures, and classes. People are to be empowered and empower others. The fruit of the Spirit involves self-control as well as love, peace, patience, gentleness, and kindness) (Gal. 5. The book of Proverbs is a collection for future leaders, possibly in a school, who are taught to practice [righteousness] (HEB) and [justice] (HEB) (Prov. 1:2-6).45 The leaders are taught that patience, an allowance to be rebuked, and being slow to anger were qualities deeply respected by the community and Yahweh (10:8,17; 13:1; 15:31-320.

The relationship of husband and wife, in the Christian community, is one of mutual submission (Eph. 5:21) where the wife submits to the husband by loving and respecting him, and the husband equally submits to the wife by loving her with a passion that empowers her to be the best. This is modeled by Christ's love for the church. This love is also displayed by Yahweh in Ezekiel 16, for the people of Israel. Since the Spirit also submits to the human prophets (1 Cor. 14:32) submission is a mutual relationship where both work together out of respect and community. God does not display power over, but empowers the creation and humans. Empowerment is seen in mutuality, respect, and encouragement in both intimate and other relationships.

Second, the Biblical texts redefine masculinity. In a world where gods were both male and female, Yahweh claimed to be one God. Yahweh was a warrior but most often reflected compassion, love, was slow to anger, and was gentle (Ezekiel 34:6-8). While these characteristics were typically feminine in the ancient East, Yahweh claimed to reflect these in the divine nature. It was for this reason that Jonah refused to go to Ninevah.

I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love… (Jonah 4:2)

In Is. 66:10-14 Yahweh offers to carry Israel in the bosom and nurse them. In Islam Allah is the "beneficent and merciful" which is stated in every Surah but one. Yahweh gives birth and comforts the children of Zion. Yahweh is neither male nor female but is Spirit (John 4) and reflects a nature that lies in both men and women from the creation. Gen. 1:25-27 indicates that both men and women are in the image of God.

Feminine language is used also in the Greek scriptures. Jesus' touching of women and children, using eunuchs as models of the kingdom, and leaving his family would have made his masculinity suspect in the Roman world.46 The characteristics of the Spirit also were considered feminine in the Roman world (Gal. 5:16-24). Paul's use of feminine and masculine family terms in 1 Thess. 2:6-12 indicate that the ministry of the church carries the nature of God to both male and female.

In Genesis 1:25-28 male and female were complements (HEB) rather than opposites. Masculinity is diverse and should be open to acceptance of others and the willingness to use one's giftedness to empower others to be what they were created to be. Humans are called to help others rather than to be alone. Men and women were created to be together and live in harmony. Humans were not created to dominate but to care for the creation (Gen. 1:25-30). The new paradigm, based in the nature of Yahweh/Allah, revealed to the Christian community in Jesus and the scriptures, and supported by the Spirit is meant to empower men and women to reflect the glory of the creator. Divine power is shown by patience rather than control. Empowerment is the model for human relationship rather than abuse, control, and manipulation.

Notes

1 The statistics vary but each year the range of reported statistics falls between 2-4 million. Angela Browne, Violence Against Women: A Majority Staff Report, Committee on the Judiciary, U.S. Senate (Oct. 1992): 3; P. Tjaden, and N. Thoennes, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey (NCJ 183781). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Justice, National Institute of Justice, 2000; Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (NY: Berkely Books, 2002), 7.

2 Evan Stark and Anne Flitcraft, "Spouse Abuse," Surgeon General's Workshop on Violence and Public Health Source Book, 1985; Sarah Glazer, "Violence Against Women," Colorado Researcher 3:8 (Feb. 1993): 171. For a more statistical analysis of domestic violence in America and other countries see: "Physical Assault on Women by an Intimate Male Partner, Selected Population-Based Studies, 1982-99, Table 1," Population Report Series L: Number 11, www.infoforhealth.org/pr/l11/l11tables.shtml.

3 Ending Violence Against Women: Population Reports, Series L. Number 11, 27:4 (Dec. 1999). See also the Population Report Series L; National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Intimate Partner Violence (Oct. 2003) www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/ipvfacts.htm; Samantha Levine, "The Perils of Young Romance," US News and World Report (Aug. 13, 2001): 46. National Women's Health Information Center, Violence Against Women (Sept. 2001) www.4woman.gov/violence/index.htm.

4 Sherry L. Hamby, "Acts of Psychological Aggression Against a Partner and Their Relation to Physical Assault and Gender," Journal of Marriage and the Family 61 (Nov. 1999): 968.

5 International Journal of Health Services 20:1 (1990): 21; and Mary Susan Miller, No Visible Wounds: Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men (NY: Random House, 1995): 7.

6 Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence from 1993-2001 (Feb. 2003). In 2000, 1247 women were killed while 440 men were killed, by intimate partners. Estrella suggests that every 15 seconds a spouse kills his wife. Rosa Emily Nina Estrella, "Effects of Violence on Interpersonal Relations and Strategies that Promote Family Unity," LaFamilia Unida: La Fuerza Del Futuro 4th Annual Power in Partnership Bilingual Conference, June 20, 2003, Portland, OR.

7 Population Report Series L. Estrella reports that 50% of women of the world are abused by a spouse and that 4 million women are involved in sexual trafficking. The statistics vary from country to country. Estrella indicates that 20.8% of women in the Dominican Republic report having been physically abused while Palacios reports that in El Salvador 4 out of 5 women live with violence in their families. Maria Aracely Linares Palacios, "Strategies for Working with Latinos Who Have Experienced Family Violence," LaFamilia Unida.

8 Christine Hansen, "A Considerate Service: An Advocate's Introduction to Domestic Violence and the Military," Domestic Violence Report 6:4 (Apr./May 2001). The study suggests that in 1985 one in three military spouses were victims of abuse. In 1987 research indicated that military victims were four times more likely to be choked into unconsciousness. A study done at the Pentagon from 1992-96 also indicated that domestic violence in the military occurred at a rate five times higher than that among civilians. While serious incidents decreased from 1997-1999 the amount of moderate to severe domestic violence incidents increased. The results suggest that domestic violence in the military is much higher than in civilian families. Also see: Marianne Szegedy-Maszak, "Death at Fort Bragg," US News and World Report (Aug. 12, 2002): 44.

9 Jacquelyn Cambell, "Correlates of Battering During Pregnancy," Research Nursing Health 15 (1992): 219-26; Cambell et al, "Why Battering During Pregnancy?" Clinical Issues in Perinatal and Health Nursing 4 (1993): 343-49. As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during pregnancy. J.A. Gazmararian, R. Petersen, A.M. Spitz, M.M. Goodwin, L.E. Saltzman, and J.S. Marks, "Violence and Reproductive Health: Current Knowledge and Future Research Directions," Maternal and Child Health Journal 4:2 (2000): 79-84.

10 Carol J. Adams, Woman-Battering (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1994), 12.

11 Boston Medical Center Pediatrics, "Child Witness to Violence Project," see www.childwitnesstoviolence.org/care_givers/for_aregivers_facts.html.

12 A national survey of more than 2000 American families reported that 50% of the men who abused their wives also abused their children. Jennifer Talbot, "Children Witnessing Domestic Violence," presented at the Working with Abusive Men workshop, Portland State University, Portland, OR, May 2002.

13 Bancroft, 8.

14 Bancroft, When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse (NY: GP Putnam's Sons, 2004), 53.

15 The Oregon Domestic Violence Council has defined IPV as: A pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism, degradation, exploitation, and violence are used to engender fear in the victim in order to enforce compliance. Multnomah County Health Department, Domestic Violence in Multnomah County (February, 2000): 2.

16 Females make up 85-90% of reported abuse in IPV. Callie Marie Rennison and Sarah Welchans, Intimate Partner Violence, Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report (May 2000): 1. Due to the prevalence of male perpetrators I have chosen to refer to the abuser in the masculine gender. While we acknowledge that females have been convicted of abuse (both in the heterosexual and Gay-Lesbian communities) the high majority of reported abuse still involves men battering women.

17 Carol Tavris, Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, revised (NY: Touchstone, 1989), 19.

18 David J. Livingston, Healing Violent Men: A Model for Christian Communities (Minneapolis: Fortress, 2002), 7.

19 "The emotionally abusive person has an agenda, and that agenda is to be in control. In his attempt to be in control he will dominate, suppress, tyrannize, persecute, and attempt to conquer anyone he relates to on a consistent basis. Among his repertoire of control tactics are insults, denigrating comments, derogatory words, threats, and constant criticism, along with an extensive array of other intimidating behavior designed to make others feel inadequate and helpless." Beverly Engel, The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (NY: Fawcett, 1990), 47.

20 Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?, 112.

21 Ibid., 137-38.

22 Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond, 2nd edition (Holbrook, MA: Adams Media Corporation, 1996), 42.

23 There is an alternate translation of this verse suggested by other language versions of the Hebrew text. Some versions read, "If you hate her, divorce her." For more information on the validity of this translation one can consult the sources listed in note 12 as well as Adele Berlin and Marc Zvi Brettler, ed. The Jewish Study Bible: Tanakh Translation (NY: Oxford, 2004), 1272.

24 For texts that suggest God as mother/wife/female see Is. 42:14; 46:3; 66:9-13. While John 4 suggests that God is spirit, female imagery is used of God as well as male imagery. Mark S. Smith, The Origins of Biblical Monotheism: Israel's Polytheistic Background and the Ugaritic Texts (NY: Oxford, 2001), 90.

25 Mal. 2:11 states, "Judah has married the daughter of a foreign god." This can have two interpretations. First, the text can suggest that the Jewish men were married to foreign women. Second, the text can mean that the Jewish nation is again involved in idolatry. Biblical scholars support both interpretations.

26 For further discussion on this debate see: Andrew E. Hill, Malachi: A New Translation with Introduction and Commentary, Anchor Bible (NY: Doubleday, 1998): 422-43; David Clyde Jones, "A Note on the LXX of Malachi 2:16," Journal of Biblical Literature 109 (1990): 683-85; Beth Glazier-McDonald, "Intermarriage, Divorce, and the Bat-'el Nekar: Insights into Mal 2:10-16," Journal of Biblical Literature 106:4 (1987): 603-11; David Peterson, Zechariah 9-14 and Malachi: A Commentary (Louisville: Westminster/John Knox, 1995), 195-206. Against this interpretation see Gordon P. Hugenberger, Marriage as a Covenant: Biblical Law and Ethics as Developed from Malachi (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1998), 27-47.

27 In some cases Yahweh is referred to as the female partner. See Peterson, 203; and Mark Smith, The Early History of God (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2001), 97-103. In Proverbs, wisdom is seen as feminine and is also the first creation of God (Prov. 8-9).

28 In Jer. 44 the Jews who were left after the third Babylonian captivity turned from God to worship the Queen of Heaven (Asherah). It seems that the Jews in Malachi's day are again returning to this deity. Othmar Keel and Christoph Uehlinger, Gods, Goddesses, and Images of God In Ancient Israel, trans. Thomas H. Trapp (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1998), 294-95; Smith, The Early History of God, 109-10. O'Brien also believes that the Jews have again been involved in idolatry to Asherah. Julia M. O'Brien, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah, Haggai, Zechariah, Malachi, Abingdon Old Testament Commentary (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2004) 300-302.

29 M. Gittin, is a large tract that gives suggestions concerning legal divorce and reasons one might divorce their spouse.

30 Santiago Guijarro, "The Family in First-Century Galilee," Constructing Early Christian Families: Family as Social Reality and Metaphor, ed. Halvor Moxnes (London: Routledge, 1997), 46.

31 Paul is giving a list of teachings for various individuals in the church. He addresses the married (7:1-7); the unmarried (7:8); the married (7:10 but in light of 7:12 these would both be believers who are married); and then the rest (7:12 who are the ones married to non-Christians).

32 For more information on this distinction see Russ Dudrey, "'Submit Yourselves to One Another': A Socio-historical Look at the Household Code of Ephesians 5:15-6:9," Restoration Quarterly 41:1 (1999): 27-31.

33 Winter, After Paul Left Corinth: The Influences of Secular Ethics and Social Change (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 2001), 82-85.

34 Seneca suggests that some of the women counted time by the number of husbands they had married and divorced. De beneficius 3.16.2.

35 Moynihan Gillihan, 711-44.

36 For more information on the New Roman Wives, their rebellion in the Roman culture, and Paul's encouragement for the female Christian community see Bruce Winter, Roman Wives, Roman Widows: The Appearance of New Women and the Pauline Communities (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2003), 17-30.

37 Gill-Austern, 317-18.

38 For a more detailed explanation on these theological roadblocks see chapters 6-8 in my book: Setting the Captives Free: A Christian Theology for Domestic Violence (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock, 2005). The book is to be released at the 2005 National Convention for the Society of Biblical Literature in November. Because of this later date I do not currently have page numbers for the reference.

39 For a more detailed discussion of marriage and divorce, interpretations of these texts in light of abuse, and a defense for abuse victims leaving their abusers see chapter 6 in Setting the Captives Free.

40 "Children are far better off-as a number of studies demonstrate-living in peace with their mother than being exposed to a man who abuses her. In fact, the studies indicate that children are better off living with a single parent than being around parents who fight frequently even without abuse…The research that purports to show how damaging single mothering is to children has failed to control for income and for prior exposure to abuse, so that the difficulties observed are actually the effects of poverty and of the fact that many children witnessed abuse while their parents were together-and that is why the mother is now single." Bancroft, When Dad Hurts Mom, 321.

41 This has led many batterer intervention specialists to now require abusers to have supervised or no visitation rights with their children when the partner leaves them. Bancroft is one of these specialists as well as Jack C. Straton, "What is Fair for Children of Abusive Men?" Journal of the Task Group on Child Custody Issues of the National Organization for Men Against Sexism, 4th edition. 5:1 (2001): 1-10.

42 Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?, 42, 72; James Newton Poling, The Abuse of Power (Nashville: Abingdon, 1991), 27.

43 One example of this is the resource by John Eldredge, Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2001). This has become a popular book in many churches but domestic violence advocates and batterer intervention specialists have indicated that it continues to further the stereotypical attitudes concerning men and women.

44 Two excellent resources for this are the video by Jackson Katz, Tough Guise (Northampton, MA: Media Education Foundation, 1999); and Paul Kivel's book, Men's Work: How to Stop the Violence that Tears Our Lives Apart (Center City, MN: Hazelden, 1992).

45 These terms (righteousness and justice) apply to social justice in the community. . See: J. Bazak, "The Meaning of the Term 'Justice and Righteousness' in the Bible," The Jewish Law Annual 8 (1988): 5-18. "When the prophets refer to mishpat and tsadeq they do not mean merely that the judges should judge accurately. They mean primarily that the officials and landowners should act on behalf of the poor." Moshe Weinfeld, Social Justice in Ancient Israel and in the Ancient Near East (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1995), 44. For more on Proverbs and wisdom schools see my article: "Schools, Scholars, and Students: The Wisdom School Sitz Im Leben and Proverbs," Restoration Quarterly 47:3 (Fall 2005): 161-77.

46 Clark, "Kingdoms, Kids, and Kindness: A New Look at Luke 18:15-17," Stone Campbell Journal 5:2 (Fall 2002): 235-48.Halvor, Moxnes, Putting Jesus in His Place: A Radical Vision of Household and Kingdom (Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox, 2003).

 

   

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